Friday, September 25, 2009

This Damned 2012 Nonsense Explained Part 3

By David A. Kearns

Chimpanzees of the hairless type, we are a superstitious lot, to be sure. A few beads, baubles, a mirror or two, tell us you are God, and we can be made to do just about anything you ask us to.
I give you any number of examples: Cortez conquers Mexico with less than two thousand men. One of the ways he did this was, see, there was an apocalyptic prophecy given out that fair-haired Quetzalcoatl would return on such and such date from the horizon to the east.
During the time frame from 1515-18, there were the Cordova, Grijalva, Cortez, Narvaez expeditions to Mexico; any one of whom could have been the agent of doom. They were all fair haired, fair skinned and bearded. Cortez chose to be the bad guy and went for the gold.
Venezuelan President Jugo Chavez got up and the United Nations two days ago and pointed out that prior to the arrival of evil, badass, white Europeans there were some 90 million Americans (Amerindians, Native peoples) and by the time Cortez was done with his business in Mexico, there were as few as 4 million. He fails not only to mention his own evil, badass, light-skinned ancestry, Chavez being a Spanish name, not Taino or Arawack, he also fails to note that microbes did most of the apocalyptic work.. aided, of course, by burnings, rapine, strangulation, robbing, thievery and slavery of the conquest machine.
I like the murals of Diego Rivera, rather than the ignorant belches of Jugo Chavez; just my own personal choice.
The point is, white people of European descent were coming across the sea, no matter what. And whoever this Quetzalcoatl was – speculation runs from a blonde Viking blown of course, to one among St . Brendan’s Irish missionaries, to survivors of a Roman expedition also off course – he knew, he wouldn’t be the last Honky to reach these shores because the event was a force of history.
All the superstition regarding this pending event, this myth building did was pave the way for the conquest of Mexico, then the stronghold of native America.
Mexico has had a hard time with its Gods and Goddesses. For some reason, this part of Central America, required a great deal of blood offerings to the gods.
Speaking of Mayans, they were so obsessed with looking like their gods, they attached boards to their babies heads TO GET THEM TO LOOK LIKE THEM. High crested flattened skulls, catlike eyes.
What? Yes, now truth gets weird. You don’t hear about this much in these specials about the Mayans. But if you go to Central America and really tour places like Copan, Honduras; Palenque, Mexico, and Tikal in Guatemala, plus a few other places in Belize, you get a closer look at the Maya. Disney won’t tell you all you need to know. Go down there, go to a few museums!
Another weird thing? Inbreeding was stylish! It meant your BLOODlines (there’s that word again) ran right back to the gods! The more inbred you were, the thicker your god-blood ran! Women were so convinced of the need for their children to at least seem royal, they frequently tied devices to their babies’ heads to get the children to focus on dangling beads, thereby rendering them cross-eyed! Hey, better schools, better chance to gain enrollment. “Just keep an eye closed, Johnny!”
In fairness, some Asian cultures a woman’s feet are painfully constricted to give them the desired tiny look! Weirdest of all, in some chimpanzee cultures, woman cut off their own breasts, replacing them with bags of silicon! Guess who those folks are?
But, what is this business of head binding? Apparently the Incas also did this sort of thing. Now, as you go to research these things on the web, you will find the subject stove-piped with dipshits and wizards, alongside excellent sources so be careful. But the baby binding, and the cross-eyed thing is very real. The ancient headgear can be found in many museums.
Bake your noodle and ask yourself why they did this? Who were they trying to look like? Go a step further and ask yourself why the gods demanded “bloodletting”?
Switch gears. This business of “rapturing” and revelations, and the “coming apocalypse” as History Channel would have you believe in their highly alarmist series Nostradamus Effect.
The futurist view of Revelations, a book strangely in the bible, although arguably not written by any of the twelve apostles who actually heard Christ speak; Christian, we a reminded, techno-chimps, being the operative term in the religion, “following Christ.”

This “John of Patmos” was exiled or lived on that island in the Med around 65 a.d. is the author of Revelations, many believe.

Seventh Day Adventists, Futurists, and Hal Lindsey, all fans f John of Patmos, and the Book of Daniel from the Old Testament, are in agreement that three things will happen at the end of days: The Antichrist will make himself known, Israel will be attacked, European or “new Roman Empire” will be centered in Central Europe (Can you say European Union?) and “The Rapture” of the faithful so the earth can be scorched of the evil non-believers. This rapture deal is, well, you just sort of swoop up into the air like an alien abduction, maybe? Not sure on the mechanics of it, other than roads will prove particularly unsafe for fellow drivers, if you believe the “rapture” license plates.
People are touchy about the rapture. If you notice, they’re okay with talking about it on THEIR license plates but, DON’T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN “rapture is bullshit” license plate baby! No! That’s not allowed! They will also brook no argument about this rapture deal. BUT YOU KNOW, READ MY DAMNED LICENSE PLATE AND KNOW THAT YOU AREN’T WORTHY OF RAPTURE BUT I SURE AM!
Hal Lindsey, multi-million seller came to speak in Melbourne Florida recently at churches; a rare honor for a fiction writer, the pulpit! According to my local paper there was a suggested fee of $15 per person to keep the crowds down. Don’t know what a “suggested fee” is and the paper didn’t have the guts to dig on this one, rapture being a touchy subject, but the events were well attended. And it’s all good, because, you know, it ain’t about the money, is it?
Okay so where does this all leave us, with regard to 2012? The short version of my personal belief is this: someone is planning for a bottle neck again, and we are playing right along.

And who might that be? Who might be staging this bottle neck?
Was the last segment weird? Grab your ass with both hands for the next one!


  1. My bumper sticker

  2. Re Hal (Serial Polygamist) Lindsey who has three living ex-wives, everyone should visit Google and type in "Famous Rapture Watchers," "Pretrib Hypocrisy," "America's Pretrib Rapture Traffickers," "The Newest Pretrib Calendar" (which refers to 2012), and "Pretrib Rapture Dishonesty." The last one is a doozy that rapture promoters don't want anyone to read!

  3. Kearns here. I guess Hal must have been looking for that one he was sure would get raptured with him. Gotta get it right we suppose. But seriously, nothing illegal about having ex wives; according to Dan Brown, even the big guy had one. Took all his cash, and the kid, took a cruise to France on him. Really crucified him.
    You know, it's what kind of lawyer you get.