Friday, August 28, 2009

Obama is a Honky too!

(and good for him)

By David A. Kearns

This Just in: Obama is a honky too!

Golf? Martha’s Vineyard? The CEO of UBS and President Barack O’Bama? Yes, according to columnist Amy Goodman, the president spent five hours golfing with UBS CEO Robert Wolf, in Martha’s Vineyard last week.
As in…“Er uh Mahtha’s Vin yahd! He pahked the cahhh, in Hahhhhvaaahd yahhhhad! Then he went to the er, uh Vin- yahhhhd!”

Can you get more Honky than this? Is this not Honky enough for you?

“Are you not entertained?”

Yet you have others who are obviously carved out of a single massif of extruded dip-shite, who think Obama is somehow plotting to throw away the capitalist system and adopt socialism. These would be the self-appointed arbiters of Americana, Rush, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Rail-ee, et al.

Yeah, Sean, and others, let me set you straight. A sign your leader is getting ready to go socialist? This would look something like him randomly and capriciously taking over an oil company, invading a neighboring country in order to nationalize their gas pipelines, right? Not playing an elitist game on an exclusive island, with the president of a bank who donated $250,000 to the president’s campaign back in 2006. The latter would be a sure sign that the president, in fact, is a capitalist at heart and plans right on being one in the near future.

Once again: Hugging Castro while wearing a Che Guevara T, while jumping up and down at a rally, while Cold Play blasts in the background, while waving a gigantic foam, bird finger in the air for the cameras, while dancing on an American Flag? Something like this? Yes, then, by all means, Houston we have a problem.

Obama could only be more Honky now, if he had a drunken lap dance with a stripper while smoking a cigar. Something he likely won’t do.

Honky is Obama and Obama is Honky. Back in college was known for his discarded Skoal plugs and dip cans. He was always leaving these around.

“Damn it Barry! You should just take up smoking…” more than one roommate was heard to shout after knocking over the Diet Coke can filled with dip-spit.

And what are these end-times freaks on about: “he’s too eloquent. It’s a sure sign he’s the anti-Christ.” It’s like these folks have never seen a black man make sense, and much like watching a cheap Korean kung fu movie, dubbed with Australian accents, they can’t believe what they are seeing. Therefore it must be the end of the world. Yep, as we know, kids, if there is something afoot you don’t quite understand, consult Revelations, the only book in the bible written by a guy on a mushroom trip.

And Kenyan? We have a Kahleefoneyah governor from Austria (Did you know they changed the name of the state to Khaleefoneya?). I am past sick of hearing this nonsense about the Obama-Kenya connection. Say you find out he was born there? Guess what? I don’t give a shit. He’s better than what we had going. And there are millions of American blacks descended from Kenyan slaves who have been in this country for 400 years who never once caught a break. The Kenya issue is dead. Find something else to bitch about.

Admit it, the man was handed a bag of crap from the last administration that he is working hard to somehow because, hell, the mess was more than eight years in the making and (oops) six months into it, nope, he’s not solved all the problems. Talk about your “Magic Negro.” The republicans say this G and T sobriquet all the time - sotto voce of course, smiling covert racism (thumbs up! We still rule the locker room and the putting green), and yet, republicans really and truly believe Obama SHOULD have fixed all this stuff in less than 200 days?

Magic Dumbass helped create the mess in two terms, are we afraid Magic Negro just might fix it in the first year?

"WHY hasn't he fixed, this HUGE mess yet! C'mon!"

"Well, we're waiting!"

For my money, Obama is what we need, not a moment too soon. He needs to follow up on his alternative energy promises, just as much as he needs to work on Health Care.

And I can hear the detractors now.“Alternative energy? Son if he does that, the devil will crawl out of hell and feast on the souls of the living. End times. It’s the end times!”

Gimme a break already. Give the guy a shot. Listen with your heart and not your partisan backside. And stop waiving that book in my face; you know the one, the one you never open, but it's worn threadbare from you thumping on it all the time.
And if at a later date, the Governor of Khaleefoneyah wants to run for president, AND he fixes some of his state's considerable problems now, I won't say he shouldn't be given a shot at the top job.
This is, after all, America. Isn't it? George Washington's people didn't come from here either.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Uncle Teddy: One Great Honky

Honky month continues.

We love Uncle Teddy. Love the guy. It’s a bitch that he’s dead. He was a great man and a damned good Honky.

The Mary Jo thing, yeah. This sucked too. He would have likely gotten a DUI manslaughter charge, had Chappaquidic fallen in the modern day. Anyone who has spent 24 hours in jail on a DUI charge can relate to the horror. Anyone who has lost someone to drunk driving, multiply it by a million.

But for the grace of God go I, as they say.

The Kopechne family are likely not mourning, to be sure. And if there are some folk pissed at me for saying that, well, hey, deal with it. It has to be said today of all days, and none of these so-called news hucksters are saying it, nor covering this angle. Alcohol has many faces and that’s one of them. Some people have “the gene”, as the Irish called it back in the day.

The political bullshit in this country which seems to prevent news people from mentioning the eight-hundred-pound gorilla of Chappaquidic today is only one more example of what’s tearing us apart. So I’ll say it.

Same goes for the Michael Jackson thing. Lest we forget he thought sleeping with eight-year-olds was okey dokey and, any child who has been molested by an adult can tell you, a grown man who needs to sleep with eight-year-olds, just doesn’t have it together, head-wise. Chris Rock is correct.

Back to Teddy, who we can now thank for one more good deed, getting Michael Jackson and all his weirdness, off the front page.
“We are all possessed with the belief we are all called to a better country and a newer world,” he said just a year ago.
These people can sling that stuff like no one on earth, can’t they? Better said “cahn’t they?” Between the Fitzgeralds and the Kennedys, (and Teddy was both) they have been at it for more than a thousand years, seriously.

This "better" Irish gene, appealing to the better angels of our nature, as Teddy and his brother Bobby would have said, perhaps found the pinnacle of expression with Uncle Teddy himself. We all got to watch that flourish, all his life, which is very cool indeed.

I won’t natter on here about his career, things he has said, folks he helped. People more qualified than I, are all over it, all over the internet, today. I will say he was not only loved here in the states where everyone saw his pain at his brothers’ passing, and other family tragedies, but in Ireland as well, where they adore the man and his family.

There’s a tiny little pub out on the end of the Dingle Peninsula. Summer 2007, my son and I went in there for a cup of joe and a look at map. I don’t drink these days, because I don’t want to end up with something horrific on my conscience like a Chappaquidic, and I know that’s where I’m headed if I don’t watch out.

It’s a daily deal. I’m not a step guy, but I remember. I think of Teddy, as well as a local cat here in Florida named Billy Lane who is serving six years for DUI manslaughter.
But for His grace…as they say.

Anyway, this pub, located in the village of An Fheothanach, where they don’t even speak English, has a picture of Senators Ted Kennedy, and Chris Dodd on the wall, signed by the both of them. There they are arm-in-arm with the staff and so on. It’s been hanging there since the 1980s, I think.

These folks didn’t say a word to my son and I when we were there, because, hey, we don’t speak Irish, we were obviously American, and both apparently are frowned upon after dark, out on the misty end of the peninsula.

But the locals obviously had a hell of time with Uncle Teddy when he was there, and that’s saying something.